Marriage in America has a pretty ugly reputation. It's like the kid in school that all the teachers know has potential, but he's too busy skipping class and chasing skirts to notice. We are all so addicted to Hollywood, we look to movies and those who star in them to tell us what romance looks like. I heard a line from a movie today that informed audiences that marriage was nothing more than a piece of paper, an archaic institution. So "enlightened" people have nixed it, opting for a no strings attached relationship intended to help love grow without the chains of marriage.
Hollywood, you can take you bondless booty calls, I love my chains. Chains get a bad rap. They don't just hold things down, they can also hold things together. My husband should be awarded sainthood for his patience with me this past year (or five). His typically outgoing, athletic, mostly normal wife morphed into a woman who is fearful of just about everything. He has to keep his phone by him 24 hours a day in case I need him to calm me down, or pick me up from the ER. This isn't said out of self-pity, I know I'm making progress, but I mention it because we are currently experiencing the "sickness" part of "in sickness and health". My husband took that vow with me and he hasn't moved an inch.
When I get too tired to move, he carries me. When I get so far down I can't see the light, he opens the window so the sun pours through me. When I can't find it in me to love myself, he loves me enough for us both. He has had to play the role of lover, friend, therapist, dad, tissue, homemaker and cheerleader. He hasn't complained once. Those are chains that bind, those are chains that bond. I wrote the following for our anniversary a few years ago. It was the story of the day I knew. Those who've been there know what I mean by that. I just knew.
It's strange that my wedding day has a hazy edge to it, but I remember the exact instant I fell. Funny they call it falling, because that's precisely what it felt like. Anyone who knew me pre-Duke(aka John) knows "love" was just another four letter word to me at the time. Something that people threw around like silly string. Just aim, fire, and hope it sticks, then just peel it off when you're done.
Hollywood, you can take you bondless booty calls, I love my chains. Chains get a bad rap. They don't just hold things down, they can also hold things together. My husband should be awarded sainthood for his patience with me this past year (or five). His typically outgoing, athletic, mostly normal wife morphed into a woman who is fearful of just about everything. He has to keep his phone by him 24 hours a day in case I need him to calm me down, or pick me up from the ER. This isn't said out of self-pity, I know I'm making progress, but I mention it because we are currently experiencing the "sickness" part of "in sickness and health". My husband took that vow with me and he hasn't moved an inch.
When I get too tired to move, he carries me. When I get so far down I can't see the light, he opens the window so the sun pours through me. When I can't find it in me to love myself, he loves me enough for us both. He has had to play the role of lover, friend, therapist, dad, tissue, homemaker and cheerleader. He hasn't complained once. Those are chains that bind, those are chains that bond. I wrote the following for our anniversary a few years ago. It was the story of the day I knew. Those who've been there know what I mean by that. I just knew.
It's strange that my wedding day has a hazy edge to it, but I remember the exact instant I fell. Funny they call it falling, because that's precisely what it felt like. Anyone who knew me pre-Duke(aka John) knows "love" was just another four letter word to me at the time. Something that people threw around like silly string. Just aim, fire, and hope it sticks, then just peel it off when you're done.
I was a lifeguard at the camp where we worked and he was a counselor. We had forged a friendship by this day, but at camp back then you pretty much became BFF with everyone you worked with within about five minutes (the reason for this is another note for another time but for right now, those of you who still remember what TWFS stands for, Holla!).
I was attempting to stay awake during my 4th hour straight of watching kids splash in cold water under the broiler that is Tennessee July, and I spotted a 40 something man climbing up the outside of the pool playground...a rather big no-no and I was a no nonsense type of lifeguard. I was ready to blow my whistle at the offender, but I knew I'd only be wasting my breath. The camper was a sweet 40 year old man with the mind of a, rather athletic, 8 year old boy, and camp was his refuge (and currently the pool playground his strong tower). I watched his counselor deftly round up the rest of his troops on the side of the pool as he took his shoes off walked toward the Godzilla wanna be. He asked twice if he would come down and the answer both times was a feisty grin and head shake. So, what else can you do, you scale the tower as well and bring Godzilla to booking.
Now I have two grown men on my play structure and I want to blow my whistle so badly my lips were twitching, but I knew all I could do was watch. As I'm watching I looked at the hero of the story. The man who was trying to save Godzilla from himself was balancing with one foot in a cargo net and another braced on a landing trying to convince his camper it was time to go to play elsewhere. He was incredibly patient and never once raised his voice even though you could see he was embarrassed by the situation (his ears turn red when he blushes..about the same color they are right now I'd wager). He finally convinced Godzilla to become a land lover and got him down safely. His 40 year old camper hugged him when he got down and ran back to get ready for his next adventure.
Thanks for being my center Duke, you'll always be my hero.
Marriage isn't about chains, it shouldn't be about restriction, and it's not all about romance. It's about two people making a decision to do life together as one person. When he can't walk, I become his feet. When I can't hear, he'll listen for me. When he can't speak, well we all know I'm all over that. Let the rest of the world enjoy their paperback romances. Paper burns up and turns to ash..chains endure.
Now I have two grown men on my play structure and I want to blow my whistle so badly my lips were twitching, but I knew all I could do was watch. As I'm watching I looked at the hero of the story. The man who was trying to save Godzilla from himself was balancing with one foot in a cargo net and another braced on a landing trying to convince his camper it was time to go to play elsewhere. He was incredibly patient and never once raised his voice even though you could see he was embarrassed by the situation (his ears turn red when he blushes..about the same color they are right now I'd wager). He finally convinced Godzilla to become a land lover and got him down safely. His 40 year old camper hugged him when he got down and ran back to get ready for his next adventure.
At that moment gravity shifted for me. The pull was no longer straight to theWho wouldn't want to draw near to a hero? He has always been ready to rescue me from me, and much like his 40 year old camper, sometimes I climb the tower on purpose just to watch him try.
ground. I knew if I jumped off my chair I would land two inches closer to him
than I would have a half hour earlier. It took me a full year to realize it, but
I was always drawn a little closer to Duke after that moment than I ever would
be again to the rest of the world.
Thanks for being my center Duke, you'll always be my hero.
Marriage isn't about chains, it shouldn't be about restriction, and it's not all about romance. It's about two people making a decision to do life together as one person. When he can't walk, I become his feet. When I can't hear, he'll listen for me. When he can't speak, well we all know I'm all over that. Let the rest of the world enjoy their paperback romances. Paper burns up and turns to ash..chains endure.
