While sitting, minding my own business at Panera yesterday, I had a conversation with an angel. I call this person an angel not because he possessed a set of guilded wings, or supreme spiritual insight, although obviously a very well studied man. I call him that because I believe that at times when you don't even know you need it, God sends people into our lives to heal the broken places with a word, encouraging smile or simple touch. Temporary angels, momentarily possessed with the precise words or actions that are like salve to the soul.
"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" that's from Isaiah 61 verse 1. Isaiah was not God, he wasn't the messiah, he wasn't a savior. He was just a man who allowed the message of God through his lips. A vessel. For whatever reason, God found a man willing to bend to His will enough to reach out to a stranger buried in her breadbasket and give her the words her heart needed to hear.
But how often do we let societal norms force our silence? Have you ever felt like reaching out a hand to touch someone? Like all the energy in the universe tells you that person needs human touch as much as their next breath? This man told me his studies have shown just how deep something as simple as a few fingers to the hand can stir a person. I don't mean that in a romantic context, so drag your head from the gutter. But I can think of a few occasions where I've seen someone who just looks desperate for a hug or a "how can I help you", but I don't know them, they don't know me, so I refrain. I hope I never do again. I hope the next time God shows me a person who needs him, I allow him to work. I want to be a vessel for that amazing grace and love. I want to be an Isaiah. I can't save anyone, but maybe I can give them the hope to keep searching for the Savior.
Only one more thought. If we're all angels, can we fly?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Diet
You ever notice how the first part of the word diet is "die"? I'm sure you have. The idea of being on any sort of diet just makes me want to eat. I hate the idea, always have. I was overweight in high school. Not obese, just a little too much me to go around. I tried every diet I could find until I decided it was easier just to eat whatever you wanted and then be sick. Then I decided that made me crazy so I began exercising instead. It took me about three years, but I eventually dropped the extra weight and got my eating under control.
So, you can imagine my dissapointment when I ran across a book that seems to have a handle on my specific symptoms that recommeds..nope, not strong enough...demands a very strict diet for folks like me. Basically, they postulate that if you won't take drugs for your brian malities (which we have established I will NOT) then you have to make the chemistry in your body function better. God has given us this amazing machine, and while it'll run on whatever junk we put in it for a while, it won't be running like it's supposed to. It like when the guy at the shop tells you your car needs a certain kind of oil, but it's $30 more than the regular stuff. He says your engine will thank you. You respond that if you need your engines gratitude you'll give it to him and go with the cheap stuff. And your car runs, so you think, bah! stupid mechanic. But you notice a few weeks later that it doesn't pick up and go like it used to and a few months later you notice you gas is shooting through your car like you've got a whole the size of North Dakota in your tank. Finally, a few years later your car is crap. When you take it back to the shop they give an "I told you so, you suburban no-nothing" and tell you it's time for a new engine or new car.
Well my brain has apparently been clogged for a while, so while therapy and prayer deals with some of the clutter, I've got put the right feul in my body to help the process and keep new stuff from sticking around up there. So we're back to the dreaded DIET.
BOO! I'll post later with exactly what I'm supposed to eat..and not eat.
So, you can imagine my dissapointment when I ran across a book that seems to have a handle on my specific symptoms that recommeds..nope, not strong enough...demands a very strict diet for folks like me. Basically, they postulate that if you won't take drugs for your brian malities (which we have established I will NOT) then you have to make the chemistry in your body function better. God has given us this amazing machine, and while it'll run on whatever junk we put in it for a while, it won't be running like it's supposed to. It like when the guy at the shop tells you your car needs a certain kind of oil, but it's $30 more than the regular stuff. He says your engine will thank you. You respond that if you need your engines gratitude you'll give it to him and go with the cheap stuff. And your car runs, so you think, bah! stupid mechanic. But you notice a few weeks later that it doesn't pick up and go like it used to and a few months later you notice you gas is shooting through your car like you've got a whole the size of North Dakota in your tank. Finally, a few years later your car is crap. When you take it back to the shop they give an "I told you so, you suburban no-nothing" and tell you it's time for a new engine or new car.
Well my brain has apparently been clogged for a while, so while therapy and prayer deals with some of the clutter, I've got put the right feul in my body to help the process and keep new stuff from sticking around up there. So we're back to the dreaded DIET.
BOO! I'll post later with exactly what I'm supposed to eat..and not eat.
Friday, November 6, 2009
A friendly tip from your local crazy
Talk to yourself. Sometimes the homeless dude's you see on the street do it and you think, "crazy guy". Well, yes, perhaps, but it helps. Recently I have done a lot more out loud. Prayed out loud, organized out loud "I just put my keys in the right side, zipper pocket, of my Mary Poppins -black-hole-of-a-purse."
Our brains are amazing things. They keep all kinds of info. But just like the files on your five year old computer, the more info you put in, the more gets lost. Saying the things you need to hear out load puts them in a more prominent place on your desktop.
So take a tip from your local crazy and say a verse, or a prayer, or where your keys are, out loud today. You'll be surprised you still remember by supper time.
Our brains are amazing things. They keep all kinds of info. But just like the files on your five year old computer, the more info you put in, the more gets lost. Saying the things you need to hear out load puts them in a more prominent place on your desktop.
So take a tip from your local crazy and say a verse, or a prayer, or where your keys are, out loud today. You'll be surprised you still remember by supper time.
BOO!
I've been terrible about blogging lately. I admit it's because I don't always want to think about my mental state, but I started this blog to help other people who are dealing with depression and anxiety, so boo on me for not helping when I can.
I'll start with the good news. Over the past few months, my depression has all but vanished in the wake of the terrible anxiety I had been having. Thankfully the anxiety attacks have lessened as well. I still get them, mainly at night.
They happen on the cusp of sleep. You know, that point when you are about to fall asleep where you feel like you've actually fallen off something and you kinda jerk awake and then fall back into sleep? That's when they happen. I jerk awake and start freaking out. Heart pounding, disoriented, legs and arms tingling. IT SUCKS! BUT, good news, God provides and after a quick prayer (my brain is too scattered for much more) I take a few deep breaths (a Xanax if it's a really bad spell) and drink a glass a water. I have also found that waking John just long enough for him to know it's happening helps even if he doesn't wake up with me. Just knowing he knows helps.
I am learning how to talk myself out of them to. The way I look at it if your brain is causing them, your brain can stop them. I have been saying things like.
"yep, this is another one, but it's okay, it's not too bad. It'll be over soon if you let it, so let it."
"Nothing happens, just this, so just let your body do what it's going to and go back to sleep."
"We're not doing this tonight. Tonight you are going to relax."
I know it seems silly, but honestly that silliness is exactly why it works. I feel like I'm chiding a 5 year old, but it seems to get through to the insecure part of my brain that gets all fired up in the first place.
I hate that I'm having them at all, but God is teaching me to rely on Him through them. I noticed a BIG difference when I let my prayer life slip or I get myself too busy or worked up over the little things. A lot of my anxiety is spurred by feeling of guilt I deal with, so to step back from the word for even a day gives that guilt a foothold to wreak havoc in my head.
I highly recommend anyone who suffers from anxiety get a good Christian counselor. Someone who will listen and pray with you and for you and help you discover your triggers. Mine seem to be guilt that comes from a deep seated notion that I am worthless. More on that another day. But, anyway, find your triggers. Figure out what happens before your attacks. Were you stressed? If so, about what? Did you have a fight with someone? Watch a scary movie? Break routine? Write it down and share it with someone who loves and supports you. If you don't feel like you have a person who fits that bill. God loves you , and I'll listen too, so email me :)
I'll start with the good news. Over the past few months, my depression has all but vanished in the wake of the terrible anxiety I had been having. Thankfully the anxiety attacks have lessened as well. I still get them, mainly at night.
They happen on the cusp of sleep. You know, that point when you are about to fall asleep where you feel like you've actually fallen off something and you kinda jerk awake and then fall back into sleep? That's when they happen. I jerk awake and start freaking out. Heart pounding, disoriented, legs and arms tingling. IT SUCKS! BUT, good news, God provides and after a quick prayer (my brain is too scattered for much more) I take a few deep breaths (a Xanax if it's a really bad spell) and drink a glass a water. I have also found that waking John just long enough for him to know it's happening helps even if he doesn't wake up with me. Just knowing he knows helps.
I am learning how to talk myself out of them to. The way I look at it if your brain is causing them, your brain can stop them. I have been saying things like.
"yep, this is another one, but it's okay, it's not too bad. It'll be over soon if you let it, so let it."
"Nothing happens, just this, so just let your body do what it's going to and go back to sleep."
"We're not doing this tonight. Tonight you are going to relax."
I know it seems silly, but honestly that silliness is exactly why it works. I feel like I'm chiding a 5 year old, but it seems to get through to the insecure part of my brain that gets all fired up in the first place.
I hate that I'm having them at all, but God is teaching me to rely on Him through them. I noticed a BIG difference when I let my prayer life slip or I get myself too busy or worked up over the little things. A lot of my anxiety is spurred by feeling of guilt I deal with, so to step back from the word for even a day gives that guilt a foothold to wreak havoc in my head.
I highly recommend anyone who suffers from anxiety get a good Christian counselor. Someone who will listen and pray with you and for you and help you discover your triggers. Mine seem to be guilt that comes from a deep seated notion that I am worthless. More on that another day. But, anyway, find your triggers. Figure out what happens before your attacks. Were you stressed? If so, about what? Did you have a fight with someone? Watch a scary movie? Break routine? Write it down and share it with someone who loves and supports you. If you don't feel like you have a person who fits that bill. God loves you , and I'll listen too, so email me :)
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