One question: When did I get old?
No, I’m serious, and don’t give me that I’m over 40 and you’re not speech. I feel old. I do things that 10 years ago would have been things OLD people do. Is it about to begin? That moment in time when otherwise normal women begin scrutinizing the mirror every morning for traces of gray, and spend more on anti-aging cream than they spend on food in a month? I’m not ready. I didn’t see this coming. It hit me like a bottle of cellulite-fighting lotion this morning at 11am.
I, Lauren King, at 28 years of age, have joined a book club.
Does joining a book automatically qualify you for AARP benefits? No, but as I looked at the recommended reading, a list started to form in my head that ends in the foregone conclusion that at some point in the last 5 years, I’ve gotten old. Still rolling your eyes? Read the list and be see for yourself.
• I own a Buick..and like it.
• Sleeping-in is rising at 7:30
• I actually fear I’ll turn into a pumpkin if I’m out past midnight
• I don’t understand popular music.
• I think the way young boys wear their hair is ridiculous
• My favorite channel is PBS
• I remember life before iPods
• I have “good old days”
• I am starting to sound like my mom
• My idea of a vacation is not moving from my couch for a full 24-hours
• At some point I stopped using words like “girls” and “women” and starting saying “ladies”
• I have a “ladies” group. We are not wearing red hats yet, but I fear we are dangerously close.
• I look at anyone under the age of 25 as a kid.
• I remember life without cell phones
• I wonder why people don’t “talk” to each other anymore
• I will always think of Barney from the show How I met Your Mother as Doogie Houser; no matter how lewd he gets on his new show.
• I use words like “lewd”, regularly.
• I remember when “going green” was something you only did when sea sick
• I remember life before kids…barely.
• I’ve lost any “sense of style” in favor of “sense of sale”.
• I’ve gone to a class on couponing…voluntarily
• I take issue when people talk in txt language “Hey, I’ll brb”….what?
• I own shoes that are older than my kids.
• I joined a book club.
So, add all those things up and I feel like I’ve earned my place among the Golden Girls. What? You didn’t understand my Golden Girls reference? You’ve proved my point.
