(Part of my tribe)Okay, so this has become a serious rant, but I'm frustrated and you don't have to read, so I'm going to continue...
I have felt like the world's worst mom recently because things seem to happen to my children when I'm not around. They get hurt at school, they learn I word I know I've never used, they catch a cold when no one in my family is sick.
I work in part because I like to and in part because necessity demands it. But I often feel like I'm the only one NOT educating my kids. They learn the alphabet at school, they learn their bible verses at church and they learn colorful words overhearing the television. What do I teach them? "NO!", "Don't touch the lamp", "You HAVE to at least try your veggies", "Buggers do NOT count as a vegetable".
I watch other mother's who are able to spend all day with their kids, pouring their knowledge into them. They seem so calm. I feel like a complete failure.
Then a funny thing happened on the way to outright depression. My dad said something intriguing. A saying that goes like this: "It takes a village to raise a child". Something about hearing that again made me think. Do some villages REALLY raise kids? Why yes, yes they do. Thanks to the almost all-knowing Google. I found an article (check Part I of this rant) about tribe in the rainforest that subscribes to that philosophy, like thousands of other tribes and cultures have for THOUSANDS of years.
In these cultures the entire village takes part in raising the children. Not good at harvesting wheat? The guy in the little hut down the river is, he can teach you. Sewing not your bag, no sweat, your neighbor's grandma will teach you how.
We are made for community and I have a great one where I live. In the past two weeks alone I think I've had four different sets of families watching one or the other of my boys while I take care of some catstrophe or another. I have felt so guilty about not only strapping someone else with my brood, but also the inability to take care of everything myself. While it's still never ideal, the knowledge that I have so many people I can trust with my family brings a peace that is hard to put into words. They are my tribe, and I hope I can be theirs.
Maybe I can teach someone to dance or sweet talk their way out of homework (what? it's a marketable skill). My husband can teach a kid to fish (or at least to cast and enjoy the river). From Amy my boys will learn how to laugh and find joy in almost anything. They'll learn how to be a friend. From Stephanie they might learn patience and calm (Please, Jesus). From my mom, they learn how to organize themselves and of course how to weasel a cookie or five. From the grandpa's they'll learn hard work and discipline. From Nana, faith and the ability to field lemons that are being pelted at you from every direction and make sweet lemonade. From Andrea, they'll learn compassion.
I hope they see this in John and me as well, but I don't want my kids to be just like me. I want my kids to be villagers. I want them to be part of a community. I want them to know when to ask for help. I want them to see that life does not have to be accomplished solo. I want them to see Jesus in everyone.
Thanks to everyone in my tribe. It's an honor to be doing life with you.
