I have decided that this country has done lost its mind when it comes to power-parenting and I am done with it.
Easy hair-trigger, let me explain:
I read this article
http://tribes.intodit.com/page/natural-parenting-and-the-wisdom-of-the-rainforest
About an anthropologist's studies of a tribe he lives with in the rainforest. It was fascinating...because it was so simple. I run my head into walls (at first figuratively, then as my day wears on, literally) every day trying to teach my kids proper behavior, manners, sense. It's like I am trying to teach them to be good kids. Sounds reasonable, right? Two problems with this the way I see it.
1) I am no longer a kid (as much as I like to pretend to be at times)
2) I don't want them to stay kids, I want them to become adults.
Oh, I know. "Don't rush it." "Let them be kids." I get that, but here's the thing. If I were to do absolutely nothing but observe my children for days, weeks, without intervening I bet they would still be kids. They are 3 and 4. I don't need to teach them to be children. They ARE children. I am currently trying to teach them to share, to play nice, to be sweet children. I am trying to teach them to be something I'm not. When I tell my son to share a toy with his brother, I do it 90% because I don't want to hear his brother whining and 10% because I want my son to learn to share. If I teach him to share for sharing's sake I've taught him nothing. My goal should instead be to show him the pleasure of making someone else happy by the act of sharing. Being forced to do something may create a habit but probably not a behavior.
What would happen if I took this tribe's advice and let my children learn by experience instead of trying to save them from every possible calamity and heartache. I'm not saying I plan to let my kid wield a machete and march off into the rainforrest, but I am doing nothing but chase my tail when it comes to reasoning with these boys. It DOES NOT work. Maybe it works for you (your parade will begin later) but I don't think my current methods of an adult teaching a child to be a better child are making any real impact other than frustrating the lot of us.
I think we make everything in parenting entirely too difficult. Children must be put to sleep like this, at this time. Don't give them too much of this, or that MIGHT happen. Socialize them just enough that they aren't jerks, but stay-at-home with them so they have access to you at all times. Spend at least 60 mins a day on flash cards or writing, 60 mins playing outside, only 30 in front of the TV and make sure it's educational, like Elmo singing about poo.
We stretch ourselves to within inches of our sanity and at the end of the day.....they are still children. Aren't we supposed to teach them to become adults? I don't know about you, but I don't typically sing about my poo. (I am noticing I blog about the subject an awful lot though) This doesn't mean I want my kids to be "adults" by age 9, but that's because they just won't be. I don't have to try, kids will stay kids until events in their lives demand they become adults. For some it happens too soon, for some it unfortunately never happens at all (ach..lindseylohan...choooo). I have to model being an adult so when the events happen, my kids know how to behave. I don't want them to need to make a snap decision about rescuing someone from a burning car and think, "my mom always taught me to share...is there anyone else around who might like a turn at saving that poor person?"
Easy hair-trigger, let me explain:
I read this article
http://tribes.intodit.com/page/natural-parenting-and-the-wisdom-of-the-rainforest
About an anthropologist's studies of a tribe he lives with in the rainforest. It was fascinating...because it was so simple. I run my head into walls (at first figuratively, then as my day wears on, literally) every day trying to teach my kids proper behavior, manners, sense. It's like I am trying to teach them to be good kids. Sounds reasonable, right? Two problems with this the way I see it.
1) I am no longer a kid (as much as I like to pretend to be at times)
2) I don't want them to stay kids, I want them to become adults.
Oh, I know. "Don't rush it." "Let them be kids." I get that, but here's the thing. If I were to do absolutely nothing but observe my children for days, weeks, without intervening I bet they would still be kids. They are 3 and 4. I don't need to teach them to be children. They ARE children. I am currently trying to teach them to share, to play nice, to be sweet children. I am trying to teach them to be something I'm not. When I tell my son to share a toy with his brother, I do it 90% because I don't want to hear his brother whining and 10% because I want my son to learn to share. If I teach him to share for sharing's sake I've taught him nothing. My goal should instead be to show him the pleasure of making someone else happy by the act of sharing. Being forced to do something may create a habit but probably not a behavior.
What would happen if I took this tribe's advice and let my children learn by experience instead of trying to save them from every possible calamity and heartache. I'm not saying I plan to let my kid wield a machete and march off into the rainforrest, but I am doing nothing but chase my tail when it comes to reasoning with these boys. It DOES NOT work. Maybe it works for you (your parade will begin later) but I don't think my current methods of an adult teaching a child to be a better child are making any real impact other than frustrating the lot of us.
I think we make everything in parenting entirely too difficult. Children must be put to sleep like this, at this time. Don't give them too much of this, or that MIGHT happen. Socialize them just enough that they aren't jerks, but stay-at-home with them so they have access to you at all times. Spend at least 60 mins a day on flash cards or writing, 60 mins playing outside, only 30 in front of the TV and make sure it's educational, like Elmo singing about poo.
We stretch ourselves to within inches of our sanity and at the end of the day.....they are still children. Aren't we supposed to teach them to become adults? I don't know about you, but I don't typically sing about my poo. (I am noticing I blog about the subject an awful lot though) This doesn't mean I want my kids to be "adults" by age 9, but that's because they just won't be. I don't have to try, kids will stay kids until events in their lives demand they become adults. For some it happens too soon, for some it unfortunately never happens at all (ach..lindseylohan...choooo). I have to model being an adult so when the events happen, my kids know how to behave. I don't want them to need to make a snap decision about rescuing someone from a burning car and think, "my mom always taught me to share...is there anyone else around who might like a turn at saving that poor person?"
